Humans are social beings. We live in a society and we thrive on social relationships.

We need various relationships in our lives to function well, just like we need other necessities.

These relationships range from a bond between parent and child, the friendship between two individuals, boyfriend-girlfriend, sister-brother and many more.

We all fall in and out of relations and they all serve us a purpose in our lives. They are a major element of social construct!

But in some unfortunate cases, we end up falling for people who are toxic and can do us more harm than good!

What is a toxic relationship?

couple arguing with each other

Any relationship can be called a toxic relationship when it turns obviously “toxic”, these relationships leave you feeling drained and always damage you. Instead of supporting you they leave you doubting yourself and the tricky part is that it might not always seem toxic but deep down they are poisonous for you and your well being.

Imagine in web series and movies, how people poison other people! They mix poison in some sweet dish or some tempting food. The exact same thing happens in a toxic relationship.

The poison in toxic relationships is mixed with sweet words and overly pretentious actions and it’s a slow killing poison. You might not even know until it's too late, that you are in a toxic relationship.

Here are some signs of a toxic relationship that you can look out for!

• You end up feeling manipulated and emotionally drained, and low on energy after every interaction with a toxic person. You feel like a host of a parasite. You feel like the energy has been sucked out of you.

• There are no emotional boundaries. This means that when angry or in a bad mood, they would not think twice before saying anything unkind and wrong. They will treat you on the basis of "their" mood. 

• It's always about them. A toxic person is very narcissistic and they will drive every conversation to them, how they are the victims in that relationship.

• Whenever you feel like speaking your mind out, you feel the need of adding many filters because you are scared of their reactions. You should be able to share your feelings with your loved ones and if you are afraid to do that, you need to evaluate the relationship.

• They, deep down don’t respect you but pretend that you mean the most to them. They wouldn't defend you if it comes down to that which is very unfaithful and you should not let these things go. 

• They are happy for you only in front of you, but behind you they only criticize you. Toxic people are usually backbiters. Beware of them!

• You are not able to say "NO" to them. They will manipulate you in a way that you will end up doing things that they like and not you. 

• They might come to you for your advice and suggestions but ultimately might end up making you feel like you have the wrong insights and opinion and always the wrong perspective. There is no place for listening.

• They suffocate you emotionally and mentally. You will find yourself more stressed than usual while you are in their company.

• They make you feel insecure about yourselves. Instead of becoming your strength, they will pick up your weaknesses and make you feel small. 

• They are way too dominating. They might even pretend that they are submissive and victims but this is their manipulative strategy to let you take responsibility for everything wrong happening to them. They will mess with your mental peace and you wouldn't even know.

• They are never up for apologizing even when it's their mistake. Somehow the mistake is always yours and they are the victim.

These are some basic things you might relate to if you have any relationship with a toxic person in your life and if you can relate to them, you need to introspect your relationship with such a person!

It is also important to keep in mind that even people like you and me can get toxic sometimes, but the real courageous task is to get aware of our own toxicity and work on it! Most people sadly choose to not work on it and just end up sticking to their old patterns of toxic behaviour.

It's also important to end a toxic relationship or at least take a step back.

In most cases, it is a person whom we deeply love or care for, so, it's important to understand that we cannot let ourselves get drowned in love. 

We should try out best to make the person aware of the mental and emotional damage they might be doing to you and themselves but beyond a point, if you realize that they are not willing to change and grow then it's best to let them get out of your lives. It's going to be tough, you won't be able to cut the strings easily and they will try their best to make your stay, but sweetheart, know your worth and be courageous enough to walk away.

Remember you can only help the ones, who are in the first place willing to receive that help and genuinely wish to grow to become a better version of themselves.

Most importantly, know that all help starts with “self-help”.

At last, don’t forget to self introspect every once in a while and see if you have been exhibiting some toxic patterns and work on correcting them. If your friends try to help you identify some of those, listen to them and give it a thought!


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Purvi Wadhwa

Written by

Purvi Wadhwa

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